People tend to mask their loneliness by seemingly casual phrases
Dubai-based Panchi Chakrabarti, an IT consultant, still regrets using those words with a friend, who said that she had worked through months of crippling anxiety and loneliness. “I felt guilty and angry at myself, perhaps that’s why I said that. Looking back, I know that she had never used the words ‘I’m lonely’, she would just message randomly after work, and ask to meet, and I couldn’t. I was busy with work. I should have really seen the signs,” she says.
As she notes, loneliness doesn’t always look like isolation. It isn’t just about having no friends—it’s about feeling disconnected, even in a room full of your loved ones. Many who struggle with it don’t explicitly say, ‘I’m lonely.’ Instead, their words might come in casual invitations, self-deprecating jokes, or subtle hints that go unnoticed.
It’s also a conflict of feeling unloved when you know that you are.
Such people mask their loneliness by seemingly normal and friendly phrases, such as ‘You free for a coffee?’ and ‘I could use some company today’. It could even be followed by a quick laugh and self-derogatory statement, as Sam Willis, a Dubai-based media professional says from experience. “I was a single mother, who moved to Dubai, and I was just so lonely here for the first, several months. I was desperately trying to make friends and hold on to my old ones from London. So I would just message people sometimes, asking for lunch, or coffee, or jokingly tell an old friend, ‘Oh yeah, I have nothing to do anyway.’”
Willis bluntly says, nobody spells out loneliness, because they feel awkward and anxious that people will look at them with pity, which hurts as much as indifference. “I understand if you don’t catch on when someone’s lonely, but it’s not fair to tell them later after they’ve worked through it, ‘Well you didn’t tell me’. Sometimes, people just can’t.”
Nevertheless, here are a few statements that might indicate some form of loneliness, as friendship coaches Misha Kole and Sharanya Chatterjee from Dubai, explain.
‘I’m just keeping busy’
This is always a clear sign of admitting that they feel alone. People who say this may be filling their time with work, hobbies, or errands to distract themselves from a lack of fulfilling friendships, elaborates Kole.
It’s a way to avoid admitting they feel alone, both to others and to themselves. By staying occupied, they might convince themselves that they don’t need company, but deep down, they could be longing for companionship. It can also be a subtle way of deflecting concern—if they appear busy, others might not notice their loneliness.
‘I’m fine. I’m just tired’
You called to meet a friend, and you noticed that they sounded a little off-colour. You asked them what happened and they said, ‘I’m fine. Just tired.’
While they might just be tired, this phrase often serves as a shield for those struggling with loneliness but hesitant to open up. Someone feeling isolated might not want to burden others with their struggles, so they attribute their low mood to tiredness instead of admitting they feel disconnected. “Sometimes, they just hope that someone will see beyond the words and offer comfort or companionship without them having to explicitly ask,” says Chatterjee. So next time, you hear a friend say that, try to gently ask, if they feel like talking about it. Something like, ‘I know you’re not okay, do you want to talk about it?’ might help.
Lonely individuals may struggle to ask for companionship outright, fearing rejection or feeling like a burden.
Lonely individuals may struggle to ask for companionship outright, fearing rejection or feeling like a burden.
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‘Are you doing anything today?’
It’s usually a normal question. It falls in the same path as ‘Free?’ or ‘Tea?’ Yet, sometimes, it’s coming from a person who really could use some company and cheer, adds Chatterjee.
Lonely individuals may struggle to ask for companionship outright, fearing rejection or feeling like a burden. Instead, they frame their longing for connection as a neutral question, hoping the other person will extend an invitation. If they frequently ask this, especially without having specific plans of their own, it could indicate that they are looking for social interaction but are unsure how to initiate it.
A statement like ‘I should get out more’ might seem lighthearted, but it could be a subtle way of admitting they feel stuck inside and need to meet friends, but are not unable to, somehow
A statement like ‘I should get out more’ might seem lighthearted, but it could be a subtle way of admitting they feel stuck inside and need to meet friends, but are not unable to, somehow
‘I should really get out more’
Cue awkward laughter.
People often use self-deprecating humor to mask their insecurities and fears, says Chatterjee. A statement like this might seem lighthearted, but it could be a subtle way of admitting they feel stuck inside and need to meet friends, but are not unable to, somehow.” However, it’s not always a clear sign of loneliness—introverts might say it too. That’s why it’s important to consider the tone and context in which someone says it.”
‘No one would notice if I wasn’t there’
This is usually quite a straightforward statement: Yet there are those who say it with a laugh, and turn it into a joke, to avoid the discomfort of the situation. Kole says, “I would say that’s a cry for help. It means that the person feels invisible, and feels as if their presence doesn’t really matter to others, so it’s alright to skip gatherings. And gradually, they keep avoiding people, believing that nobody really cares about them. It’s a rather brutal statement, so I would say pay attention clearly when someone says that.”
Source: Gulf News
